” I guess.. I am at my wits’ end.” Definitely. I have to stop all this nonsense. I am not strong enough to make changes. For the society, I just like a taboo for them.
“You are not.”
I turn my head, facing her. She was smiling at me with a bright eyes looking sincerely at me. What that suppose to mean?
” You never went through the path that I had. How can you understand my feelings?” My eyes burst into tears. I knew her. She is a so-called alim women. She has a good family background. She was from a school that have so-called ‘tarbiyah’ as their environment. She always being surrounded with a good people. That is totally opposite of me.
“No. Not the same path as you. But I do went through life as a sinner before.” She replied.
“Every sinner have a future, sis.” Then it went silence for a while. She is right. I knew that Allah is The Most Forgiveness. It just me that unable to stay strong during each trial. Every time I tried to change my life and being good, I fell again. It won’t stay long!
“Here, take this with you. You surely need this.” Then she leaves. Left me with that little green book.
“Hnggh.. looks like everyone…. is leaving.” It’s hard to spill that words out. I am totally in pain. Not my body, but my heart. After all, nobody would understand me. A sinner… who want a friend like me?
” I wouldn’t leave you.” Her voice surprised me. When did she turned back?
” I just give you some time to get back your strength. Using that book.” She pointed to the book that I am holding.
“This? Aah… Al-Quran? ”
I couldn’t remember when is my last time holding that book and recite it? It’s long long time ago.
“Yup. That is with translation. Sis, verily that in remembrance of Allah that the heart found peace. That’s Allah’s promise in the Quran. This words of Allah is for us to follow. If we putting gap between Al-Quran and us, we will become weak .”
It went silence again from any words. The only sound heard is from my sobbing voice. How sad. I as a Muslim have the complete guide from Allah but yet, I always forget to absorb the knowledge, strength, medicine, morals and guidance from it.
Changes. It starts by repenting and building back a good relationship with Allah. Shall we?